Sunday, April 15, 2012

I Will Die of Heartache

Heartache, what does it mean?  What does it feel like?

Heartache to me is simply the knowledge of something that hurts you in your core and this causes unpleasant sensations and sleepless nights.

When a student joins a college and spends tens of thousands of dollars, there is an expectation that they will gain knowledge and that this knowledge will lead to a job.

When a student joins our training center and spends anywhere from $0 up to $2500 for a class, there is an expectation that I will get them a job.

I am sure that the college trusties and presidents do not have sleepless nights, because very few of them know their students and their dreams and expectations of what their life should be.  I know my student, each and every one them.  I know the ones that are in financial trouble and are desperate, I know the ones that are spending their parents money for training and do not take the training we offer seriously, I know the houswifes that have good intentions but do not have the time to study, yes I know my students.

When I succeed with a student and am able to get one of my students a job, it is great feeling.  But the problem with that is that I also have the students that I know will not succeed with us, and I feel their pain, I feel sadness, I feel inside what they feel, and this is what causes me heartache.

I am sure that I will never get to a point of 100% success with what I do, and this heartache will always be with me.  I am actually very distant emotionally and you will never find me too happy or too sad in real life, but inside I have tremendous emotions that I am able to control (Klingon like almost).

I have chosen what I do and I am great at what do, much better than my competition, but I am sure I will continue to have heartache, that will never disappear.  I am sure that I will continue to wake up at 4am, because I worry for each and every student that comes to me.  My wife always asks me what is wrong when I suddenly wake up at 4am, well I have heartache.